In "Love"

Before I move on with this, the very first thing that will cross your mind is that I am in love. If you notice how those words are written, the word LOVE is separated from IN... I leave the rest to you...
I am a sucker for sunsets... and fireworks... and romantic mushy stuff... these feelings i have right now would normally come and go every time I would come across any of the three. Today I came across two of them. I am turning 26 in less than a week. When I was a few years younger, I set my mind that my ideal marrying age would be 26. Well, since that will be in just a few days, I guess it will not be happening... ha-ha... and so now I set my mind to no certain age. There is no rush and the right time will come. My father turned 65 this month. I remember about two years ago when he and I had a "father-daughter talk", he said back then that I was the jewel in his life. That he only had less than 15 years left... and that before his time ends he would like to have the opportunity to be able to march on that aisle and have the feel to give away his daughter to the man she truly deserved. I am the youngest of four and he has never had that chance... his dream. I would like to be able to fulfill that dream of his and I do not want to fail him. I have never felt the pressure from him at anytime but what scares me the most is doing the right thing to be able to achieve that dream… not only his… but mine too…
Many escapades have come across my life. I admit that not all of them were right. What's sad is that the right ones are the ones that tend to be taken away from you. You hold on to it but there is nothing you can do when you lose grip and then just as fast as a snap on your finger.. it's gone. Sometimes you wonder why it happens when you have done everything right. Or maybe to me they were right. Someone once told me that nothing in life is permanent. I can attest to that. All you can do is charge it to experience. It's all part of learning and all of what you go through, be it bad or good, will mold you to a stronger person. It has been a little over seven months since my last relationship. It didn’t end too well and I have learned a lot from it. I don’t know but somehow it has changed my points of view when it comes to love. It has built a wall around me, a protective wall, and I wonder when that wall will be put down. I have moved on since and when I come to think of it, maybe it was really a blessing in disguise. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have experienced the joys that life has to offer. There is just so much out there being offered and so little time to experience it all.
IT IS BETTER TO KNOW HOW IT WOULD HAVE FELT LIKE RATHER THAN KNOWING AND WONDERING HOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AND NOT EXPERIENCE IT AT ALL. Sometimes though, it is hard to go back to how it was. When you do all you can to put it back but you can't. When you know that it is not right because it is just not possible for a whole lot of reasons and yet the feeling is just there... it won't go away... what does one do? I love shopping and I tend to be impulsive. It is like one of those times when you see something you really like but is too expensive. You come back for it several times and it is still there, like as if it was waiting for you to buy it. But you have to think about it and ask yourself, do I really need it? Will I buy it just for the sake of satisfying the feeling of getting what I want? Is it worth the spend? I finally decide that I don't need it much, that I will feel the satisfaction of having it and labeling it as mine but after sometime when you tire of it, you don't pay attention to it that much anymore. But then again, it will still depend on how much you really wanted it. Then the question will be there, was it really worth it all? So, the right thing to do is to leave it where it originally was and simply walk away… the hardest part is walking away and leaving it behind... but if it's the only way then it has to be done... I think I am in love with the idea of being in love… sigh…