Cheap thrills

Less than a month from now I turn 27. Another year has passed. I had a great year, I must say. The later part was the best. A lot of my unanswered questions have been addressed. It was a very fulfilling moment. A part of my childhood dream had come true and up to this moment I still cannot elaborate on the happiness that I felt and still feel. Some would think it’s marriage. Well tough luck! That is not it…. Yet…. Haha… that still remains to be a mystery.

One of my friends asked me last week if I am lonely… or alone…. I suddenly try to think of the difference… what is the difference? And am I? As I recall my response, I think I may have said that I am all good. I may be lonely sometimes. Loneliness hits every one at some point. It is normal. I sit a while and think of what is really missing right now. Okay so maybe I lucked out in the love department. Heart’s day is coming up but so what. As of the moment, I don’t see anything special there. Now how sour is that?

Just last week I encounter the thrill of the month. I think I really am ageing… backwards. I have seen him for years, passed by him the hallways and cubicles, and even seen him smile at me several times. But being the smiley face that I am, I just smile back. But there was nothing there. Being a supplier he often visits the plant. And then I see him again. It was almost 7pm that night and was on my way to the lockers when I saw him. He may have just gotten out of a meeting. I look his way and then he gives me a very warm smile. I smile back and suddenly felt something. A feeling like in high school when you see someone you really like. Haha. Later that evening I met up with some of my officemates at the mall. We were on our way to the parking lot when I saw him again. As I reach my car, their car backed up and I think he may have noticed that it was us. He looked back twice. And that same feeling came rushing in again. It was a funny but nice feeling.

I only know his name, his first name. A cheap thrill…. Or maybe a cheap crush…. Or is that even the right term for it? Haha.